dumping toxic friends

Hello 20, Selfish and Free! I have recently turned 20 and I am unsure if my friends really are my forever friends. I am currently in a friendship group of four girls, including me. These girls regularly hang out together without me and I have recently found out that they also have another group chat without me. Should I distance myself from them? I do think they are lovely on their own but as a group I am often left out and feel uneasy around them. We have been friends since school, so I don’t want to flush the friendship down the drain. HELP!

 

Hey, thanks for getting in touch. Toxic friendships are very common in your teens and twenties (and all throughout your life too, unfortunately). So it is important to recognise the signs of this toxic relationship and know when to prioritise yourself. 

 

You wouldn’t let your friends date a toxic boyfriend/girlfriend so why let your friends be toxic towards you? 

Here are a few indicators to help you recognise if your friendship is toxic:

1.     It’s always a competition

Negative energy is not needed!

 

Friends should be supportive, building each other up and bettering each other and themselves without toxicity and negative vibes!

 

You should feel happy to share good news with your friends without the fear of it turning into a competition of who’s more successful. 

We are all on our own individual paths. 

2.     You are not excited to see them 

Does meeting up with them feel like a chore? Or something you have to do so that you don’t have to see them for a while after? 

 

This also includes avoiding their texts, if you don’t want to reply immediately then maybe you shouldn’t be friends. 

 

You should look forward to seeing your friends!

3.     You don’t trust them

All relationships are built on trust. 

 

Friends don’t talk negatively behind your back, they should always be supportive, you should be able to confide in them without the fear of it turning into gossip with everyone knowing your business. 

So, what should you do if your friendship is toxic?

Firstly, we need to put yourself first, prioritising your mental health is extremely important (read our blog post: Improving your mental health in lockdown for tips).

Being selfish is also extremely important (read our blog post: Why being selfish is positive attribute to have).

 

It is important to understand that not all relationships are perfect 100% of the time, but I hope this post has helped you understand some of the warning signs that show when your friendship may not be ideal and allow you the chance to step back and reflect on whether you’re still friends for the right reasons.

 

You shouldn’t only be friends with someone out of convenience or because you’ve known them a long time. Sometimes friendships serve a purpose i.e. school/work friends and when that mutual attachment is taken away it becomes obvious that you have very little in common. It is okay to move on; this can be civil and doesn’t require a massive argument.

 

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